I Even Have a Column in Ebony Magazine Called "Musings"

I have often thought that if I were forced to get a tattoo I would get "LOVE" and "HATE" on the backs of my hands like Robert Mitchum in Night Of The Hunter. This would be film-wonky and would also disqualify me from ever working in an office again. While in the shower it occurred to me that I, as a pragmatic person, would be better served with a series of helpful measures tattooed, crib sheet-style to the inside of my wrist. Useful things like hand span, foot length, average stride, arm span, etc. Wouldn't that be helpful?

They Only Played To A Few Hundred People In Their Lifetime, But Those That Heard Them Immediately Formed A Band

Greetings to those of you visiting through the Flickr back door. As part of my value-added content, I would like to point out that the additional photos of The Mighty Handful from the 17th of May, 2008 are below. However I encourage you to read the following notice to discover how you, the reader, might be able to impact the life of a misguided youth for the better.

With the possible exceptions of cash paydays and booty calls, there's very little pleasure in finding something out on short notice, and with that in mind I am happy to report to you (a week in advance!) that The Mighty Handful (my favoritest) are playing The Big Stage at the Knitting Factory on Sunday the 25th. Now, the Knitting Factory -- shitty lighting aside -- is a brand-name venue which leads to its own level of fun-ness. Amplifying the fun-ness further is the fact that this show is a Battle of the Bands. Great. Boosting the signal to tsunami-like levels is the promise of a trip to Ireland for the winning group and an invitation to an international battle of the bands.

SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR YOU?

If you care at all about the fate of these young turks (and you should at this point, especially seeing as how I won't shut up about them), then you will purchase tickets, go to the show and support them with all your might. For just ten (10) United States Dollars -- that's just $1.68 USD a day from now until Sunday -- you could change the life of a poor, Park Slope youth whose debaucherous promise is held back by a sensible Park Slope upbringing. If you have any questions regarding this matter it is in your best interest to contact the band directly as my details are sketchy at best.

Tickets are available through Ticketmaster, which is no longer an issue because the 90's are over and Pearl Jam lost.

But don't take my word for it. Let them tell you, in their own words, why you should go:

So we won that random battle of the bands.

TURNS OUT THE FUCKING PRIZE WAS
A SHOW AT THE KNITTING FACTORY.

If we win, we will go to ireland to compete against other high school bands from all over the world.

COME AND SUPPORT US
MAKE US FAMOUS
WE LOVE YOU ALL<333

SAME RULES APPLY:

BRING INSTRUMENTS
BRING CONFETTI
BRING GLITTER
BRING ANYYYTHING.

Yes, I Went To Disneyland

Disneyland is many things, and a mess of contradictions which I am still limping my way through. Currently. In no order:

1) It's smaller than I remember. Now, I've not been there in 12 years or somewhere thereabouts. In any instance, the forced perspective in the buildings (Main Street gets narrower and the buildings get shorter as they approach Sleeping Beauty's Castle) is now less effective now that I am 6'2". There is also an argument for my "seeing better," if that makes any sense. What took a whole day to walk around now takes about 20 minutes and most of the time is spent waiting in line for rides, which speaks to the designers' grace in jamming so much shit into such a (relatively) tiny space and still managing to give each Land its own entry way and exit.



2) Disneyland is BIGGER than I remember. There's a whole second park, with a second admission fee (Disney's California Adventure), which was built over the old parking lot. Now you take a tram (or walk through Downtown Disney, a weird little shopping mall/esplanade thing) to the main gate from the multi-story parking garage with super-high-flow escalators and a view of scenic Anaheim over and beyond the Magic Kingdom.

2a) Disney's California Adventure is clearly not meant for people from California. Or maybe it is, but that has a certain cynical implication that the good people of the state of California are too dumb to go visit their own (real life, with real bears) attractions. My family and I took a cursory walk through it and I was pretty unimpressed.

Consider below:



Poppies: Check. They are the state flower. Well done. They're all along the highway.

Retro Font: Check. Sell the postcard image of sun-drenched beaches and Beach Boys compilations.

Movie Theater: YOU'RE IN LOS ANGELES MOTHERFUCKER GRAUMAN'S IS VERY CLOSE BY MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO. SHIT IS CRAZY.

Pen: I don't get that. It must be some Miramax-Barton-Fink leftover shit.

Sun, Surf, Palms: See: "Movie Theater," substitute "Venice" for "Grauman's."

3) Disneyland is scary.



There's a lot of skulls. I recall there was a skull count a few years back (which was done apropos of nothing) and the number was pretty high. Or higher than you might expect or think of off the top of your head. There's a lot of blacklight stuff and fucking two story WOOZLES (above) which will clearly haunt your dreams. We can joke all we want about Coney Island being a strange and violent looking place, but all things are equal in this instance and in spite of Uncle Walt's best wishes, Disneyland is closer in spirit and execution to the old carnivals he was trying to render obsolete than we might want to admit. Permanence is great, and the safety record of the park is unbeatable, but content is content is content and the Indiana Jones Ride is just as dark as Dante's Inferno.

4) I might just be getting cynical ("getting," "ha, ha") in my old age. I mean, the holiday re-dressing of the Haunted Mansion (the ride, not the sad Eddie Murphy movie thing) for the Nightmare Before Christmas was pretty cute, and clearly had a lot of thought and love behind it (unlike the sad Eddie Murphy movie thing). Kids seemed to be having a good time still, which is important, because when the STOP having a good time we should burn the place to the ground, and people closer to my age seemed to be having a reasonable time as well. So what does this say about me?

JPG Magazine Is A Thing That Exists

For those of you keeping score, the links to the left are submissions of mine for JPG Magazine. The images are not new, so no comments per se, but I'm curious to see what happens in the last few days of voting because... I'm bored. Blame Danielle, whose own JPG Magazine submissions are here.