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It seems that I remembered how to do things correctly and now I want to shoot with film more often. What's that about hubris? Real scans WILL BE DONE, but that WILL take a while. Gimme a week or two.

For those who come in through the front door on the Blog, the rest of them are here and there will be more going up shortly.

Brute Force Works Sometimes

So my refrigerator died, which is a dumb way to start a post about concert pictures. Anyway, my refrigerator died which means that I had to clean it out so the little men who took it away would not hurt themselves before bringing in the NEW refrigerator. In my cleaning I found fifteen or so rolls of long-since expired Fujipan 400 and I, never being one to leave an expensive stone unrolled (or whatever), decided to shoot Fiasco's goodbye show at Market Hotel.

Long story short, I realized I should probably do a clip test because God-knows how long I've had that film in the fridge and who knows how well it's held up. Plus I have no idea what I'm doing in general (fun fact!).

This is the clip test. Scans of the real deal to come soon. Or not. I have to shoot my brother's wedding so that will take up a lot of time.

Website Updated

The Main Site has been updated! After some code twiddling and image winnowing there is now a "Bands" gallery. I suspect that particular unit will see frequent and intense updating. Above is Antimagic, who are clearly celebrating this development (no endorsement of Richard Gin or richardgin.org is implied).

INTERVIEW I, Earth Defense Force, 6/24/08

What follows is a conversation with Earth Defense Force, conducted on June 24th, 2008.

RICHARD GIN: We are here with Earth Defense Force, Ian Cory, Calamity Sam, whose Christian name I do not know, and Jon Betz. Would you guys like to introduce yourselves?

IAN CORY: I'm Ian Cory and I play drums.

CALAMITY SAM: I'm Calamity Sam. I play bass and sing.

JON BETZ: I'm Jon I play guitar.

RG: Thank you for coming on guys. So Ian, where are you from; how did you start?

IAN: I'm from Park Slope -- do you mean start with the band or start playing drums?

RG: In broad terms.

IAN: I started playing drums when I was in 8th grade and I'm graduating high school in two days.

RG: Congratulations.

IAN: Thank you. I started playing drums because of Jack Greenleaf and Henry Crawford from The Mighty Handful; the three of us are very good friends. The three of us were going to start a band and we did. We're no longer together.

RG: That was Cool and Unusual?

IAN: Yeah, and that was the main reason I started playing drums and I've always been into music. Back when I played video games a lot I would play levels over again to hear the music because I'm that much of a nerd.

SAM: What levels?

JON: Final Fantasy VII, right? That had the best music.

IAN: Yeah! Final Fantasy VII had the greatest music.

SAM: I like Zelda more.

JON: In terms of game play or music?

(Laughter)

IAN: I was more of a Playstation person. I never really had that Nintendo experience until recently.

RG: Sam, your turn.

SAM: I live down the street in Brooklyn Heights and I knew Jonathan through Alex Lowchy and we formed Tetsuwan Fireball [which existed] up until last year. Pretty much the way [Earth Defense Force] started was our old drummer, Alex Doyle, had to go to college so we got Ian to fill in on drums with Tetsuwan Fireball and for a second Jack [Greenleaf] and Hank Crawford were also in the band.

RG: That was the Cake Shop show, right?

SAM: Yeah and that didn't work out very well, so it was pretty much an aborted experiment and so we had a series of really horrible rehearsals that ended with me and Jonathan coming out [to Brooklyn] and just wanting to kill ourselves. After one of them I went to Jonathan and said, "That was the worst rehearsal! I can't do that again," and Jon was like, "YEAH!" and he pulled out a handle of Jack [Daniel's] and I was like, "If we stay in this band we're going to become alcoholics." So we're like, 'let's kick everyone out,' except for Ian and we did. And that's how Earth Defense Force came about.

RG: OK, Jon?

JON: I'm from around Brooklyn and I play guitar in Earth Defense Force. [We didn't know what to expect from] the first rehearsal and so I was like, "I'm going to take this song from a really long time ago." It was probably the most nutsy song you'll ever hear -- and then we just realized we just have to make music that doesn't make any sense.

IAN: That was "Number 41."

JON: Right. It's about Tetsuo Shima from Akira

RG: Sam, I know the old Tetsuwan Fireball best and that was a really "poppy" band, and those sensibilities show through with the two tracks from your single, "Kindergarten Gymnastics" and "Time & Time Again," but those two songs are definitely harder in terms of production and content.

SAM: Yeah, it's all about balancing the two out -- sometimes in rehearsal we'll just layer on parts and parts and parts and it just wont make sense after a while and I'm like, "Hey, shouldn't we have a verse and a chorus part?" and a lot of times these two will be like "NO! NO! We can't do that! It's selling out!" Not those words exactly -- but then it sort of falls into that because it's a matter of habit. You can't expect the listener to swallow everything. So you do it in short spurts.

IAN: And sometimes you just have to force it down their throats.

RG: Do you all come to rehearsal with a set of ideas or lyrics or melodies and bang around? Talk a bit about the process.

SAM: Yeah.

IAN: Somewhat.

JON: I think out writing process is really rhythmically heavy. With a lot of the songs Ian will have this rhythm figure in his head and then we'll simply throw guitar over it; add parts to it, but it's really rhythmically heavy because we're getting more into odd time signatures.

(The interview is interrupted by a laborer, who is working on construction next door. In the original audio file the sound is quite intense and bothersome.)

JON: The noise is because we're actually building our fortress next door.

SAM: For the sake of defense.

RG: So Earth needs defending then?

ALL: Yeah!

IAN: Very badly.

RG: What super powers do you bring to that battle?

SAM: We don't have any super powers, but our villains are several. They include "Uncle 5."

JON: He's a zombie pedophile uncle.

IAN: That's a new song in the works.

JON: There's a surgeon who cuts up his patients.

RG: From "Time & Time Again"?

ALL: Right.

SAM: There's the "Dada Destroyer" who...

JON: ...Eats children.

SAM: He's disguised as a teenager and runs amok destroying peoples' lives.

IAN: Through Dada.

RG: Was Earth Defense Force actually the first concept you came up with following the deaths of Cool & Unusual and Tetsuwan Fireball?

SAM: No. I was ready to keep doing Tetsuwan Fireball stuff and the stuff I write naturally is kind of, like, pussy and more like The Replacements and in the vein of, "Oh! I need to express my soul!" But then we just wrote the song "Number 41" and it became apparent that [Tetsuwan Fireball-style songs] would not do at all.

JON: With only three people in the band you don't have much room for guitarmonies and/or harmonies.

IAN: We make do with what we have though.

JON: We're not the prettiest motherfuckers in New York so we make up for it with anger and chaos.

SAM: Or like, we're the fat ugly girl at the prom who you end up sleeping with when you get too fucked up and at first it's not cool and you're like, 'my friends won’t like me,' but then it feels really good!

JON: And you can say, 'I had sex with the fat girl.' That's something I will say, I played in a nutty trio of people whose sole purpose is singing about pedophile uncles.

RG: You mentioned The Replacements as an influence on previous work. How did you find them?

IAN: I don't listen to them -- just Sam.

SAM: I found The Replacements in 8th grade through a friend of mine and I'd always tell people, "Yo, The Replacements!" and they're like, "The what?" And only recently there was this girl, Grace, and she kind of turned everyone on to The Replacements, but I was already there.

RG: Talk a bit about influences in that vein.

IAN: Well I bring most of the heavy stuff to the table. I'm a huge metalhead; that's mainly what I listen to -- although I'm fine with just about anything. When we started doing "Number 41" I was like, "Whoa this sounds like Botch!" and I started bringing these guys all the records of, like, Death, Dillinger Escape Plan, Botch, Converge, stuff like that. So those are mainly my influences: The tech-y, odd time signature, fast, aggressive stuff. It's not stupid heavy -- straight up death metal chugging stuff. There's a bit more art to it.

SAM: And Math.

IAN: Yeah.

SAM: I don't really listen to anything on my own that sounds like Earth Defense Force. I listen to Pavement and Television religiously. But Pterodactyl and Marnie Stern are two Brooklyn bands that I really got into this year and are the only things I can think of that sound vaguely like us.

IAN: Those are definitely influences.

SAM: Pterodactyl's guitarist was my physics teacher -- he feverently denied being in Pterodactyl for, like, two years and eventually [the truth] came out and I saw one of his shows. He's such a quiet person he's like, "Oh yes, physics. Today I'm gonna teach you about magnetism." Then I saw him on stage and he was, like, flipping out and going crazy and there's noise through the entire thing and I was like, "This is what we have to be like."

RG: What is your in relationship to the scene and other bands?

(Laughter)

RG: This is a serious question!

JON: None whatsoever! To put it bluntly...

SAM: We're probably the most anti-social band.

IAN: Well I still hang out with guys from other bands. Since I used to be in another band with the guys from The Mighty Handful and I'm friends with them I’d say I have the most contact out of the three of us. I like those guys. They're great people. I'm not a huge fan of their music because they're not really my thing. They know that about me. It's like, whatever, they do what they do well and I still go and support them when I get the chance. I used to be more connected to the other bands but lately I'm more focused on my own material and working on my own music and... getting... good.... I spent enough time socializing and being like, "Yay! Let's go party with the other bands!" It's not for me.

RG: The question wasn't directed so much towards The Mighty Handful as much as the scene in general and how dense it is.

All: (Various mutterings and laughing about "The Scene.")

IAN: We've got this joke rivalry with The Mighty Handful.

SAM: I thought with Tetsuwan Fireball we were really ingrained with "The Scene" and then we had kind of a falling out... well, I did... with most of those kids. So... I'm sorry. For the past few months I don't know it's like we've been asleep and all this stuff is happening without us. And now it's like, we're going to college...

JON: ...I should be in college.

SAM: So it's like, everything has this weird timetable and it feels like it's all ending so it doesn't really matter.

RG: The feeling that it's ending -- Does that weigh on the choices you make?

SAM: I think it gives us more freedom.

IAN: Yeah, a bit more.

JON: We can be as much of an asshole on stage as we want. We won't be seeing half the people I guess. Not that we want to be assholes, but that we aspire to be.

SAM: It was like, when I was in 9th grade my plan was to start a band and we'd play a bunch of shows and get a lot of hype and then when I was a senior I'd get signed so I didn't have to go to college. Obviously it didn't work out that way.

RG: It's a sound plan!

SAM: But now it's not happening that way and now it's like...

JON: Reputation is on the bottom of our priorities. Put it that way.

IAN: We do what we want.

JON: We do what we want and it doesn't affect the writing process at all.

SAM: I think it does. If I had another 4 years in Brooklyn I'd probably be in another band in addition to [Earth Defense Force] but this [band] is, like, [for] kicks...

RG: So then college plans take you far away from each other?

SAM: Yeah but we'll stay in touch. We'll do Postal Service stuff. We'll send 8 tracks and shit back and forth to each other.

IAN: I imagine we'll come back together during breaks and try to learn the material again. That's why we need to record.

RG: Talk about recording and access and technology and ultimately release and distribution. How did you put together your single?

SAM: In May I was interning at Newkirk Studios, which is where we recorded Tetsuwan Fireball's first album. It's a small studio and it's run by this guy Ben Rice who's in a band called Surefire . They're kind of a Led Zeppelin/70's rock thing. But he's like the chillest guy in the world he looks like a 20-something roadie for The Rolling Stones. So I interned there and he just gave us a really good deal. His thing is just that he'll record anything and he was very open to trying our kind of stuff, which he hadn't done before. One of his lessons to me as his protegee was, "Listen Sam, people are going to come up to you and ask you to record them and you're not going to know how the fuck to record a death metal band but, goddammit, you just got to give it the ol' college try and put yourself out there!"

IAN: and the recording process was really great. I mean, we got there, set up the drums, I had a lot of fun messing up on "Time & Time Again." It took me like, six tries to get that down...

SAM: He's being modest. He's a total pro.

JON: He played with the click [track], goddammit!

(Laughter)

JON: The only teenager in park slope to play with the fucking click!

IAN: We just jammed out the bass stuff and the guitars -- there are two guitars.

JON: Yeah I pretty much played the same parts with two guitars. And then I slightly changed one of the guitar tracks by playing something a little different... but not enough that you would notice up front so that it sounds like a mistake. But I thought that was kind of cool. I was listening to a lot of Blood Brothers when I was [recording] and they do the same thing -- kind of doubling, really. But then there'll be some moments where it's like, "oh that was really cool!"

SAM: Now he's being modest too. Jon's recording style -- I remember from Tetsuwan Fireball -- is that he would stay up the day before and think of fifty-million different parts to overdub and he'd be like, "I have one or two things," and we'd think, "Cool this'll be quick," and he'd be like, "Uh... no. 15 more guitar tracks."

IAN: It wasn't that bad this time.

JON: No, it wasn't.

IAN: He kept himself contained to some degree. The biggest thing we have in terms of guitar tracks is in "Kindergarten" where is breaks down into the slower post rock part of that lead with big reverb and that guitar part is, like 3 guitar parts.

SAM: And then the lyrics I just made up in he booth.

(Laughter)

RG: Your live show is quite similar to your recorded output.

JON: It was very different with Tetsuwan Fireball because our live shows were a lot heaver and also a lot more sloppy and our album was really...

IAN: ...Pretty...

JON: ...Clean cut, which is good, but if you can't really live up to the album your recording it's kind of a joke. Especially with a band like Earth Defense Force and the energy we have -- you got to keep it simple and put your balls to the wall and rock out.

RG: How do you go about finding shows? Finding all-ages venues seems to be kind of a trick.

SAM: I mean, yeah I'm kind of the one who does booking on this. I mean there are places. There's the Knitting Factory, Cake Shop.

IAN: Don Hills.

SAM: Yeah, Don Hills. We've kind of built a rapport with all these people because they know we can bring enough kids.

JON: This kid Kabir Kumar got us this gig on Saturday so props to him.

SAM: It's tough, but you just send emails like any other band.

IAN: Yeah, there's Southpaw and we were going to play Southpaw last weekend but things just really didn't work out. We were going to play it; we should probably try booking it for July actually.

SAM: The best places are the ones that don't treat you like kids. Whereas Southpaw has, like, all-ages matinees so you kind of feel like you're being used.

IAN: And you don't get paid.

SAM: You don't get paid which is a real drag.

JON: Well you get pizza. I enjoyed the pizza.

RG: You don't get a door cut at Southpaw?

IAN: That's the thing that Steve is kind of known for.

SAM: But pretty much the second you're in a band you realize you're never going to make money and every scent you get you're going to lose instantly.

IAN: Like, the money we got from the Knitting Factory show we spent two days later on recording.

SAM: Being in a kid band sucks -- the whole thing in general about promotion and shit. But you gotta pay your dues.

RG: You say, "Being in a kid band..." and I don't want to call you guys a kid band...

IAN: I've always found the term insulting.

RG: As someone who has a fine grasp on ethnic slurs and dirty jokes and what is and isn't offensive I can say I don't want to call anyone a "kid band."

SAM: You can call us "cunts" too.

RG: It's a good mic check. Is there anything besides "kid band" that you think you'd rather be called? Or are you just a "band" at this point?

SAM: Ian doesn't like it but I personally like it. I think it's good because kids play rock 'n' roll better than adults. Period. Just because you get jaded really quickly. I mean, Jonathan and I had this discussion a few days ago I asked him, "Are you gonna go to college for music?" and he said, "No," and I was like, "Why? All you do is practice all you do is music shit," and he's all, "Musicians are, like, the most unhappy people in the world."

JON: I actually play in a few other bands who are like, "professional musicians" and I'm kind of hip to, like, playing clubs at midnight and they're NOT that great. It's glorified -- I mean you, pretty much have to pay for your car back because I play upright bass; if you have equipment; you gotta pay for a 5 dollar beer. And there's no after party! Because everyone wants to pack up their stuff and all these guys got to go teach the next day. It's not that great.

SAM: Nope. Kids are better. They play like they're going to die the next day.

JON: And then they party like they're going to die the next day.

IAN: Sometimes they play like they don't give a shit. That's my experience. I mean, in Cool & Unusual -- ask any of us -- we could not get our shit together. It was like, "I don't even care anymore." And we got sick of that really fast. I understand where they're coming from. I just don't like being referred to as a kid band. Nowadays I don't like being referred to as a "kid band" because now I'm about to graduate high school.

21:57 RG: Right, at this point you can say you ain't kids.

JON: Look at this moustache, man!

JON: I don't look at us like a "kid band," I look at us as people... trying to save the Earth. I mean come on. You can't be a kid. You gotta have your stuff together. You gotta be organized. You gotta come to rehearsal on time and I mean that's the most important part... so I don't know, man.

RG: Where can we get the single?

IAN: You can get it for free.

SAM: Yeah you can get it for free on Myspace, http://myspace.com/defendthisplanet, and if you come to our show on Saturday -- North Bergen -- we're going to hand it out for free. And we're playing with The Mighty Handful, Radiates and Tinselfish.

IAN: There's some other band too.

SAM: I think it's "Every Bunny's Invited."

JON: Right, some stupid fucking name.

IAN: If they turn out to be cool people, we're sorry.

SAM: I mean, if they have "bunny" in their name then maybe they like Echo and the Bunnymen so that'd be cool.

JON: Or maybe they just like pink bunnies and shit.

SAM: Band names. Band names are tough. You can tell someone's first band by their band name. "Every Bunny's Welcome" -- definitely their first band. Tetsuwan Fireball was our first band name and that is a shit name.

JON: I wanted to change it so many times.

IAN: Nothing is as bad as Cool & Unusual Punishment. That is the worst band name ever.

RG: It's... young.

IAN: Yeah, see? That's a kid band. Cool & Unusual was a kid band. I'll admit to that. We treated ourselves like kids, y'know... and it worked out.

SAM: Like, everybody's done with their first string of bands. And I felt like that was the elementary school phase. Where you just learn the dynamics and stuff.

IAN: Now we're all in middle school and hate each other.

SAM: Yeah we hate each other. But we have a better idea of how a band works.

RG: The one thing I remember about High School graduation was the urge to escape. Is that feeling inside you guys even though you live in New York?

IAN: Yeah.

JON: Well I'm going to college in NY.

IAN: I am very, very hyped on getting out of here, personally. I'm going to Chicago for college. It's still a city environment. I want a break, from these people and the scene – I mean, these guys are cool.

SAM: I kid of feel the same way; I'm kind of sick of everyone just doing the same shit all the time. On the other hand I feel like this is just when things are going to break and I feel like something good's on the horizon for everyone in Brooklyn right now. And I just went to a show at Death By Audio and I hadn't been there before and I was like, "Shit! why haven't we been playing these places? What the fuck have we been doing the last 6 months?"

JON: Rehearsing.

RG: Is there anything you want to take back?

JON: Like, what we said or...?

RG: Basically.

IAN: We regret nothing.

SAM: I regret everything.

RG: What are your upcoming dates?

IAN: Saturday June 28th in North Bergen, NJ and Saturday, July 26th at the Knitting Factory Old Office. Hopefully this time if we do well we'll get moved up to the second stage.

SAM: They never let us... we played the main stage and we brought 100 people and they still didn't let us move up.

A Song of Dispair

They came full bore like Mongols from the east following the scent of blood and there was panic in the room as they counted and played. "This will be bad; such sorrow, such sorrow," someone said aloud, though that someone was probably me. That which I had not read in histories I had seen before -- the broken dreams and shattered skulls and bloodied limbs strewn about pell mell like tinsel on a Christmas tree. And the distended faces of the wailing and the rending of garments! Women lamented and huddled by the cold steel walls, and the dust rose as the invaders beat and stomped in time and chanted themes of intimidation and slaughter.



Michael Jordan -- a name fit to boil blood and steam the innards of the weak and infirm. The tales of woe handed down from block to bock rang true in our primitive minds and animal urges took control: TO DANCE, to scream and shout and experience the suffering and horror of generations past; the denial of self -- the hivemind. Would we be bold enough to beat back the savage display of carnal, base ritual or would be assimilated into their ranks, any past remnants of our culture swallowed like the children of Saturn.



The promise of our survival was short lived. Some fell to the floor and struggled to stand only to fall again, weak as a fresh foal before the butcher and timid as a three-legged sheep before wolves. Those that fled -- God save them -- were left to sow their crops amongst the pitious cowards and fancy-boys who lay like fallen busts in orderly rows in the garden with their clove cigarettes.



When it was over we were converted -- we were helpless to protect ourselves from their will and succumbed to the raging sea. In the silence that followed there was peace and the sun shined behind us and a songbird twitterchirped in the rustling trees. They had gone. We looked on each other with shame and disgust -- we looked at ourselves and felt soiled -- unclean.

Michael Jordan raped us.

We Go On After Some Lip-Synch Chicks.

So I think I might put a moratorium on covering Battles of the Bands, not just because we need to think of peace in these troubled times, but because they are no less weird than they were when I was a misguided youth. Disparate acts, three song limits, a harried and hurried pace that serves no one (least of all the showcase bands) and varying qualities of M'sC succeed in keeping everyone off balance and looking for the exits once their friends' sets are done.



Frankly, this particular BoB was doubly confounding, mostly due to the latter awards giving-portion of the show where the majority of gifts and trinkets (Golden records?! Pieces of paper!?) seemed to be given to the A&R, MGMT side of the production rather than to the bands themselves. This brings me back to my original confusion with the Blast:Beat program and where the money goes, where the money lies once it gets there, and who OWNS the bands' music and who ultimately runs the promotion -- something that their website never cleared up. If I remember properly, my fwiends over at Only The Blog Knows Brooklyn described it as seeming like a '4-H Club for kids in bands,' a criticism which seems valid sonically -- meant literally, "as I say it in my head it makes me laugh" -- as well as in practice.



Stream of thought bulletin: While poking around the internet we arrive at Blastspace.com, the ground-level Facebookian arm of the BlastBeat.org website. PLEASE LOOK AT THE UPPER RIGHT BUTTON WHICH FEATURES "COCA-COLA BLASTBEAT." I ain't sayin' there's something sinister going on, but this...



...should be enough to remind anyone of the awful Coca-Cola budding filmmaker commercials they show at the movie theaters during "The 20" or whatever the fuck it's called. It should remind the oldsters of Up With People being sponsored by Gilette. It should definitely make any self-respecting punk give pause.



It occurred to me, and I said as much to Hugh Crawford, that the history of Rock Music is written by the bands whose gumption and spit determined their destiny rather than the whims or skull scratching decisions made by talent fair judges. In fact, the only two acts I could think of at the time were Stevie Wonder and James Brown, and a suspicious search of Wikipedia (sue me) quickly showed those examples to be wrong. Now, the only one I can think of is Kelly Clarkson (sue me).

Creepy Corporate Overlording aside, all of this is the ball-hording way of saying "so what?" Yes, a trip to Ireland would be a major, life altering experience for a group of teens who might not have had the privilege of traveling outside the United States, and seeing the competition might inspire even greater things from those involved but the failure to make the trip in this particular instance isn't in the ballpark of worst things to happen. The Sub-20's music scene in New York (you can call it "Kidcore" if you want, but that's bogus and sad) is too dense and rich -- and too competitive and talented -- to hold anything less than the best the age bracket/genre can provide and by extension... you know what Sinatra said. Further, the support group of enthusiastic Post-Teen bands whose song structure and public attitude implies reckless juvenilization is there to lead the way and provide access, instruction and perhaps most importantly, a valuable crossover audience:

An audience with money.

This is meant as consolation to all the bands that lost, whatever form they took. My favorites included.

On The Road Again

I will be in New Orleans for this event and I'm a little bummed that I will likely be locked in to covering The Mighty Hannibal ONLY and not be able to get to ? And The Mysterians or Roky Erickson. Not that I don't want to cover Hannibal -- it's just that the bill itself is INSANE and it would be a shame to miss most of it for work-related reasons.

Oh yeah. I'll be in New Orleans this week. Please let me know what's up besides the Jazz Festival. I also have, shall we say, the ability to post images remotely, so I will try to do some semi-live blogging for the first time. I've also also had custom earplugs molded. I intend to do a macro of them at some point soon.

Snatching Defeat From The Jaws Of Victory

Breaking News: Rocky doesn't beat Apollo Creed, Truman defeats Dewey, and The Mighty Handful finish third (out of six) in the Battle of the Bands at Bard. They received a gift certificate to the Virgin Megastore with a value of twenty-five (25) United States Dollars. The sound system failed (after numerous microphone dropkicks), the drums fell apart, and Greenleaf bloodied himself. The principal, however, was apparently furious about the confetti. In the end, all is right and well in the universe.

Something To Du

I have had a difficult time explaining why I like the Mighty Handful so much. Most of my thoughts are scattershot and age-ist of the "talented enough to be good; not good enough to care" variety and don't do them justice. The pleasure might be in the thrill of discovery -- those precious few months you have where the secret is yours to share with everyone and anyone who will listen.



Most of the seminal bands I've enjoyed in my life were discovered a few years (or more) past their sell date; The Who, The Replacements, all of the NY post-punk bands. There are notable exceptions (including Pavement, Sleater-Kinney, Neko Case, and all the new [bands] out there that sound like them), but my music has historically been acquired a day late and at a bargain price in the resale bin. Some of this was due to (my) date of birth, some due to the inevitable decline that bands go through once they stop having hard-ons for anything that moves and embrace the rapidly advancing twilight of middle age.



The Mighty Handful are nowhere near that place, so they seem fresh and new even as they chatter amongst themselves and realize that Oh Domestic Me! sounds suspiciously like Tangled Up In Blue. Developmentally, they are at the time and place where small steps are giant strides; They are tighter than when I saw them two months ago, and though Aviva keeps slinking off to the side to avoid the carnage (live, they are 5/6ths Keith Moon) they have developed the good common sense to not tack her solo song at the end of the show; the previous result led to a, "...and this is my adopted daughter Margot," sense of unease as the rest of the boys packed themselves away.



They're playing Southpaw on the 15th and I intend to go out of loyalty and curiosity and to take my "adult" drunken friends who look at me like I'm chicken little every time I start muttering about how absurdly great "Uptown Drunks" is. First one on the train gets the best seat.

Stage Diving 101

Stage Diving Etiquette 101

Intro:
So you've decided to join our feathered friends (and bats and squirrels) in the sky through the act of flight! Congratulations! The choice to sacrifice your body and equipment through the impulsive and destructive act of stage diving can be a rewarding and entertaining experience. I've cobbled together this primer to help you through the process. Band-mates should have no fear! I've taken the time to include portions and positioning for them as well. Please note the handy guide numbers in the upper left corner of the images.



1) Ascend.
While common stage dives (off a stage or the more simple "crowd surf") can be enjoyable, a true epic stage dive should be executed from the highest point available. In this instance, our hero has chosen a conspicuously well-placed rolling staircase to the left of the stage. Ascend as high as comfortable, but note that the higher the platform, the more awesome you will appear. Bonus points for continuing to play while preparing to plummet.

2) Pose.
Make sure the crowd sees you! We all know the rhetorical question regarding the tree in the woods. Here, the bassist has taken the "notes become bullets" a.k.a. the "...because of the wang" pose. Several paying customers are already laughing with joy as he readies his body for immortality. Band Note: At this point, you should still be playing at top gear, oblivious as to the throngs of women and young girls no longer eye-fucking you.

3) "The Four Winds."
With mind cleared from distraction and body poised for certain doom, one must cast one's mortal being into the abyss with righteous fervor and a complete disregard for the young girls in the front row. What's more, your band friends have noticed you for the first time in months! The drummer expresses joy and jealousy as he is locked behind his cruel metal cage. A proper guitarist will show no interest in the goings on around him or her, but will instead seethe inwardly as the ill trim in the front row has suddenly developed a taste for "bottom end," if you know what I mean.

4) Landing.
Never assume that someone will catch you. Extending your arm to brake your fall will usually lead to a broken wrist and will lead to an end to excellence, so be prepared to tuck and roll. Use the crowd to increase your coefficient of friction and slow your now-bruised body -- like a bowling ball into hapless pins. It is at this point that the drummer has cocked his arm in an "Atlanta Tomahawk" position to deliver a frustrated drumstick to the head of the bassist. This is custom and one should always be prepared to deflect a stick headed for an eye or an orifice.

5) Momentum and the "Last Resort."
If you are out of audience members to collapse into, the guitarist or lead singer is usually the last safety and one should use any and all gymnastic means to use him or her as a brake. Our bassist has cleverly used the neck of his instrument to hook into the kneecaps of the guitarist as a Navy jet hooks into the cable on the deck of an aircraft carrier. Note that he has tucked his chin down to shield his eyes from the drumstick, which has found its target -- a bruised forehead is better than a bleeding eye.

6) Injury, Recovery and Hospice.
Pain! Pain is fleeting, and death is for the weak. You are alive and you will recover thanks to modern 21st Century medicine and the finest health care system that your parents can provide! Take a breath to fill your lungs with life-affirming oxygen and to clear your mind of suffering -- those are not twins you are seeing, mouthing incomprehensible words as you lie prone on your bruised coccyx, but rather the pretty freegan from two towns over who has a 40 year old canadian boyfriend. You're seeing double, friend! Band mates: Now is the time to elevate your concern.

7) "The Checkdown."
Like a boxer that has just been knocked down, it is best to walk through a checklist in your head while on the ground -- if you're on the floor, there's nowhere lower to go, so you avoid further injury due to collapse. It is recommended to take stock of one's limbs from the bottom up: feet, legs, hips, chest and head. It is now appropriate for other band members to abandon their positions and rush to your aide. At this point, the show is effectively over and no more music will be played. All that is left is for the stage diver to milk his feat for all it's worth.

8) Results.
The last step involves regailing the hero for his feat of daring. Audience members should applaud and those of the opposite gender should become sexually aroused. Band mates should stand about and deliver the line, "are you ok?" in as dispassionate a manner a possible. A traditional response should be something along the lines of, "I need a [drink/drug/whore]," but feel free to improvise! After all, YOU sacrificed your body like a virgin to Pelé, YOU have the right to demand offerings of your choice.

(Stupid Party at Java Studios, 2/22/08)

They Covered Can't Hardly Wait. The Suicide Lyrics Version.

So yeah, The Mighty Handful. Great name. They are actually a sextet, and I like to think it's all part of the joke. I know them through Dan and more specifically Dan's kid, who's the drummer. My deep thoughts about this event are still gestating. in the meantime, I will offer you the rich, reduced broth of the experience.

"We're gonna play a song... ...the last time we played it someone's -- and I won't say whose -- someone's parents got upset."

(From the back of the house) "Were they yours?"

"No, they weren't mine. This song is called 'Uptown Drunks'."

(cheers)

The song is on their Facebook and Myspace pages. It has a medium tempo and a singable chorus. It's about teenagers "experimenting with each other," if you know what I mean. Just sing about sex. Of course. Cut to the chase. If you're going to make parents upset go right for the jugular. If you're trying to woo Sally from homeroom go straight for her skirt.

I'm Blogging Blind For No Good Reason.

I'm always staying active in spite of the spate of cool weather. Savonarola is playing at Pete's Candy Store on the 24th! So is 99999999999999999... etc! That's Anthony MacBain and some other people, I think! His touring band perhaps!? I will be there! Will you?

R.I.P Tonic?

It seems that Tonic is closing and because I'm feeling tired and belligerent I'll write this as an epitaph:

The first time I went to Tonic, I shot some dudes' klezmer band.

A few years later I shot These Are Powers:



Somewhere in between I forgot where Tonic was.

The dudes' whose klezmer band I shot still owe me money.