INTERVIEW I, Earth Defense Force, 6/24/08
What follows is a conversation with Earth Defense Force, conducted on June 24th, 2008.

RICHARD GIN: We are here with Earth Defense Force, Ian Cory, Calamity Sam, whose Christian name I do not know, and Jon Betz. Would you guys like to introduce yourselves?

IAN CORY: I'm Ian Cory and I play drums.

CALAMITY SAM: I'm Calamity Sam. I play bass and sing.

JON BETZ: I'm Jon I play guitar.

RG: Thank you for coming on guys. So Ian, where are you from; how did you start?

IAN: I'm from Park Slope -- do you mean start with the band or start playing drums?

RG: In broad terms.

IAN: I started playing drums when I was in 8th grade and I'm graduating high school in two days.

RG: Congratulations.

IAN: Thank you. I started playing drums because of Jack Greenleaf and Henry Crawford from The Mighty Handful; the three of us are very good friends. The three of us were going to start a band and we did. We're no longer together.

RG: That was Cool and Unusual?

IAN: Yeah, and that was the main reason I started playing drums and I've always been into music. Back when I played video games a lot I would play levels over again to hear the music because I'm that much of a nerd.

SAM: What levels?

JON: Final Fantasy VII, right? That had the best music.

IAN: Yeah! Final Fantasy VII had the greatest music.

SAM: I like Zelda more.

JON: In terms of game play or music?

(Laughter)

IAN: I was more of a Playstation person. I never really had that Nintendo experience until recently.

RG: Sam, your turn.

SAM: I live down the street in Brooklyn Heights and I knew Jonathan through Alex Lowchy and we formed Tetsuwan Fireball [which existed] up until last year. Pretty much the way [Earth Defense Force] started was our old drummer, Alex Doyle, had to go to college so we got Ian to fill in on drums with Tetsuwan Fireball and for a second Jack [Greenleaf] and Hank Crawford were also in the band.

RG: That was the Cake Shop show, right?

SAM: Yeah and that didn't work out very well, so it was pretty much an aborted experiment and so we had a series of really horrible rehearsals that ended with me and Jonathan coming out [to Brooklyn] and just wanting to kill ourselves. After one of them I went to Jonathan and said, "That was the worst rehearsal! I can't do that again," and Jon was like, "YEAH!" and he pulled out a handle of Jack [Daniel's] and I was like, "If we stay in this band we're going to become alcoholics." So we're like, 'let's kick everyone out,' except for Ian and we did. And that's how Earth Defense Force came about.

RG: OK, Jon?

JON: I'm from around Brooklyn and I play guitar in Earth Defense Force. [We didn't know what to expect from] the first rehearsal and so I was like, "I'm going to take this song from a really long time ago." It was probably the most nutsy song you'll ever hear -- and then we just realized we just have to make music that doesn't make any sense.

IAN: That was "Number 41."

JON: Right. It's about Tetsuo Shima from Akira

RG: Sam, I know the old Tetsuwan Fireball best and that was a really "poppy" band, and those sensibilities show through with the two tracks from your single, "Kindergarten Gymnastics" and "Time & Time Again," but those two songs are definitely harder in terms of production and content.

SAM: Yeah, it's all about balancing the two out -- sometimes in rehearsal we'll just layer on parts and parts and parts and it just wont make sense after a while and I'm like, "Hey, shouldn't we have a verse and a chorus part?" and a lot of times these two will be like "NO! NO! We can't do that! It's selling out!" Not those words exactly -- but then it sort of falls into that because it's a matter of habit. You can't expect the listener to swallow everything. So you do it in short spurts.

IAN: And sometimes you just have to force it down their throats.

RG: Do you all come to rehearsal with a set of ideas or lyrics or melodies and bang around? Talk a bit about the process.

SAM: Yeah.

IAN: Somewhat.

JON: I think out writing process is really rhythmically heavy. With a lot of the songs Ian will have this rhythm figure in his head and then we'll simply throw guitar over it; add parts to it, but it's really rhythmically heavy because we're getting more into odd time signatures.

(The interview is interrupted by a laborer, who is working on construction next door. In the original audio file the sound is quite intense and bothersome.)

JON: The noise is because we're actually building our fortress next door.

SAM: For the sake of defense.

RG: So Earth needs defending then?

ALL: Yeah!

IAN: Very badly.

RG: What super powers do you bring to that battle?

SAM: We don't have any super powers, but our villains are several. They include "Uncle 5."

JON: He's a zombie pedophile uncle.

IAN: That's a new song in the works.

JON: There's a surgeon who cuts up his patients.

RG: From "Time & Time Again"?

ALL: Right.

SAM: There's the "Dada Destroyer" who...

JON: ...Eats children.

SAM: He's disguised as a teenager and runs amok destroying peoples' lives.

IAN: Through Dada.

RG: Was Earth Defense Force actually the first concept you came up with following the deaths of Cool & Unusual and Tetsuwan Fireball?

SAM: No. I was ready to keep doing Tetsuwan Fireball stuff and the stuff I write naturally is kind of, like, pussy and more like The Replacements and in the vein of, "Oh! I need to express my soul!" But then we just wrote the song "Number 41" and it became apparent that [Tetsuwan Fireball-style songs] would not do at all.

JON: With only three people in the band you don't have much room for guitarmonies and/or harmonies.

IAN: We make do with what we have though.

JON: We're not the prettiest motherfuckers in New York so we make up for it with anger and chaos.

SAM: Or like, we're the fat ugly girl at the prom who you end up sleeping with when you get too fucked up and at first it's not cool and you're like, 'my friends won’t like me,' but then it feels really good!

JON: And you can say, 'I had sex with the fat girl.' That's something I will say, I played in a nutty trio of people whose sole purpose is singing about pedophile uncles.

RG: You mentioned The Replacements as an influence on previous work. How did you find them?

IAN: I don't listen to them -- just Sam.

SAM: I found The Replacements in 8th grade through a friend of mine and I'd always tell people, "Yo, The Replacements!" and they're like, "The what?" And only recently there was this girl, Grace, and she kind of turned everyone on to The Replacements, but I was already there.

RG: Talk a bit about influences in that vein.

IAN: Well I bring most of the heavy stuff to the table. I'm a huge metalhead; that's mainly what I listen to -- although I'm fine with just about anything. When we started doing "Number 41" I was like, "Whoa this sounds like Botch!" and I started bringing these guys all the records of, like, Death, Dillinger Escape Plan, Botch, Converge, stuff like that. So those are mainly my influences: The tech-y, odd time signature, fast, aggressive stuff. It's not stupid heavy -- straight up death metal chugging stuff. There's a bit more art to it.

SAM: And Math.

IAN: Yeah.

SAM: I don't really listen to anything on my own that sounds like Earth Defense Force. I listen to Pavement and Television religiously. But Pterodactyl and Marnie Stern are two Brooklyn bands that I really got into this year and are the only things I can think of that sound vaguely like us.

IAN: Those are definitely influences.

SAM: Pterodactyl's guitarist was my physics teacher -- he feverently denied being in Pterodactyl for, like, two years and eventually [the truth] came out and I saw one of his shows. He's such a quiet person he's like, "Oh yes, physics. Today I'm gonna teach you about magnetism." Then I saw him on stage and he was, like, flipping out and going crazy and there's noise through the entire thing and I was like, "This is what we have to be like."

RG: What is your in relationship to the scene and other bands?

(Laughter)

RG: This is a serious question!

JON: None whatsoever! To put it bluntly...

SAM: We're probably the most anti-social band.

IAN: Well I still hang out with guys from other bands. Since I used to be in another band with the guys from The Mighty Handful and I'm friends with them I’d say I have the most contact out of the three of us. I like those guys. They're great people. I'm not a huge fan of their music because they're not really my thing. They know that about me. It's like, whatever, they do what they do well and I still go and support them when I get the chance. I used to be more connected to the other bands but lately I'm more focused on my own material and working on my own music and... getting... good.... I spent enough time socializing and being like, "Yay! Let's go party with the other bands!" It's not for me.

RG: The question wasn't directed so much towards The Mighty Handful as much as the scene in general and how dense it is.

All: (Various mutterings and laughing about "The Scene.")

IAN: We've got this joke rivalry with The Mighty Handful.

SAM: I thought with Tetsuwan Fireball we were really ingrained with "The Scene" and then we had kind of a falling out... well, I did... with most of those kids. So... I'm sorry. For the past few months I don't know it's like we've been asleep and all this stuff is happening without us. And now it's like, we're going to college...

JON: ...I should be in college.

SAM: So it's like, everything has this weird timetable and it feels like it's all ending so it doesn't really matter.

RG: The feeling that it's ending -- Does that weigh on the choices you make?

SAM: I think it gives us more freedom.

IAN: Yeah, a bit more.

JON: We can be as much of an asshole on stage as we want. We won't be seeing half the people I guess. Not that we want to be assholes, but that we aspire to be.

SAM: It was like, when I was in 9th grade my plan was to start a band and we'd play a bunch of shows and get a lot of hype and then when I was a senior I'd get signed so I didn't have to go to college. Obviously it didn't work out that way.

RG: It's a sound plan!

SAM: But now it's not happening that way and now it's like...

JON: Reputation is on the bottom of our priorities. Put it that way.

IAN: We do what we want.

JON: We do what we want and it doesn't affect the writing process at all.

SAM: I think it does. If I had another 4 years in Brooklyn I'd probably be in another band in addition to [Earth Defense Force] but this [band] is, like, [for] kicks...

RG: So then college plans take you far away from each other?

SAM: Yeah but we'll stay in touch. We'll do Postal Service stuff. We'll send 8 tracks and shit back and forth to each other.

IAN: I imagine we'll come back together during breaks and try to learn the material again. That's why we need to record.

RG: Talk about recording and access and technology and ultimately release and distribution. How did you put together your single?

SAM: In May I was interning at Newkirk Studios, which is where we recorded Tetsuwan Fireball's first album. It's a small studio and it's run by this guy Ben Rice who's in a band called Surefire . They're kind of a Led Zeppelin/70's rock thing. But he's like the chillest guy in the world he looks like a 20-something roadie for The Rolling Stones. So I interned there and he just gave us a really good deal. His thing is just that he'll record anything and he was very open to trying our kind of stuff, which he hadn't done before. One of his lessons to me as his protegee was, "Listen Sam, people are going to come up to you and ask you to record them and you're not going to know how the fuck to record a death metal band but, goddammit, you just got to give it the ol' college try and put yourself out there!"

IAN: and the recording process was really great. I mean, we got there, set up the drums, I had a lot of fun messing up on "Time & Time Again." It took me like, six tries to get that down...

SAM: He's being modest. He's a total pro.

JON: He played with the click [track], goddammit!

(Laughter)

JON: The only teenager in park slope to play with the fucking click!

IAN: We just jammed out the bass stuff and the guitars -- there are two guitars.

JON: Yeah I pretty much played the same parts with two guitars. And then I slightly changed one of the guitar tracks by playing something a little different... but not enough that you would notice up front so that it sounds like a mistake. But I thought that was kind of cool. I was listening to a lot of Blood Brothers when I was [recording] and they do the same thing -- kind of doubling, really. But then there'll be some moments where it's like, "oh that was really cool!"

SAM: Now he's being modest too. Jon's recording style -- I remember from Tetsuwan Fireball -- is that he would stay up the day before and think of fifty-million different parts to overdub and he'd be like, "I have one or two things," and we'd think, "Cool this'll be quick," and he'd be like, "Uh... no. 15 more guitar tracks."

IAN: It wasn't that bad this time.

JON: No, it wasn't.

IAN: He kept himself contained to some degree. The biggest thing we have in terms of guitar tracks is in "Kindergarten" where is breaks down into the slower post rock part of that lead with big reverb and that guitar part is, like 3 guitar parts.

SAM: And then the lyrics I just made up in he booth.

(Laughter)

RG: Your live show is quite similar to your recorded output.

JON: It was very different with Tetsuwan Fireball because our live shows were a lot heaver and also a lot more sloppy and our album was really...

IAN: ...Pretty...

JON: ...Clean cut, which is good, but if you can't really live up to the album your recording it's kind of a joke. Especially with a band like Earth Defense Force and the energy we have -- you got to keep it simple and put your balls to the wall and rock out.

RG: How do you go about finding shows? Finding all-ages venues seems to be kind of a trick.

SAM: I mean, yeah I'm kind of the one who does booking on this. I mean there are places. There's the Knitting Factory, Cake Shop.

IAN: Don Hills.

SAM: Yeah, Don Hills. We've kind of built a rapport with all these people because they know we can bring enough kids.

JON: This kid Kabir Kumar got us this gig on Saturday so props to him.

SAM: It's tough, but you just send emails like any other band.

IAN: Yeah, there's Southpaw and we were going to play Southpaw last weekend but things just really didn't work out. We were going to play it; we should probably try booking it for July actually.

SAM: The best places are the ones that don't treat you like kids. Whereas Southpaw has, like, all-ages matinees so you kind of feel like you're being used.

IAN: And you don't get paid.

SAM: You don't get paid which is a real drag.

JON: Well you get pizza. I enjoyed the pizza.

RG: You don't get a door cut at Southpaw?

IAN: That's the thing that Steve is kind of known for.

SAM: But pretty much the second you're in a band you realize you're never going to make money and every scent you get you're going to lose instantly.

IAN: Like, the money we got from the Knitting Factory show we spent two days later on recording.

SAM: Being in a kid band sucks -- the whole thing in general about promotion and shit. But you gotta pay your dues.

RG: You say, "Being in a kid band..." and I don't want to call you guys a kid band...

IAN: I've always found the term insulting.

RG: As someone who has a fine grasp on ethnic slurs and dirty jokes and what is and isn't offensive I can say I don't want to call anyone a "kid band."

SAM: You can call us "cunts" too.

RG: It's a good mic check. Is there anything besides "kid band" that you think you'd rather be called? Or are you just a "band" at this point?

SAM: Ian doesn't like it but I personally like it. I think it's good because kids play rock 'n' roll better than adults. Period. Just because you get jaded really quickly. I mean, Jonathan and I had this discussion a few days ago I asked him, "Are you gonna go to college for music?" and he said, "No," and I was like, "Why? All you do is practice all you do is music shit," and he's all, "Musicians are, like, the most unhappy people in the world."

JON: I actually play in a few other bands who are like, "professional musicians" and I'm kind of hip to, like, playing clubs at midnight and they're NOT that great. It's glorified -- I mean you, pretty much have to pay for your car back because I play upright bass; if you have equipment; you gotta pay for a 5 dollar beer. And there's no after party! Because everyone wants to pack up their stuff and all these guys got to go teach the next day. It's not that great.

SAM: Nope. Kids are better. They play like they're going to die the next day.

JON: And then they party like they're going to die the next day.

IAN: Sometimes they play like they don't give a shit. That's my experience. I mean, in Cool & Unusual -- ask any of us -- we could not get our shit together. It was like, "I don't even care anymore." And we got sick of that really fast. I understand where they're coming from. I just don't like being referred to as a kid band. Nowadays I don't like being referred to as a "kid band" because now I'm about to graduate high school.

21:57 RG: Right, at this point you can say you ain't kids.

JON: Look at this moustache, man!

JON: I don't look at us like a "kid band," I look at us as people... trying to save the Earth. I mean come on. You can't be a kid. You gotta have your stuff together. You gotta be organized. You gotta come to rehearsal on time and I mean that's the most important part... so I don't know, man.

RG: Where can we get the single?

IAN: You can get it for free.

SAM: Yeah you can get it for free on Myspace, http://myspace.com/defendthisplanet, and if you come to our show on Saturday -- North Bergen -- we're going to hand it out for free. And we're playing with The Mighty Handful, Radiates and Tinselfish.

IAN: There's some other band too.

SAM: I think it's "Every Bunny's Invited."

JON: Right, some stupid fucking name.

IAN: If they turn out to be cool people, we're sorry.

SAM: I mean, if they have "bunny" in their name then maybe they like Echo and the Bunnymen so that'd be cool.

JON: Or maybe they just like pink bunnies and shit.

SAM: Band names. Band names are tough. You can tell someone's first band by their band name. "Every Bunny's Welcome" -- definitely their first band. Tetsuwan Fireball was our first band name and that is a shit name.

JON: I wanted to change it so many times.

IAN: Nothing is as bad as Cool & Unusual Punishment. That is the worst band name ever.

RG: It's... young.

IAN: Yeah, see? That's a kid band. Cool & Unusual was a kid band. I'll admit to that. We treated ourselves like kids, y'know... and it worked out.

SAM: Like, everybody's done with their first string of bands. And I felt like that was the elementary school phase. Where you just learn the dynamics and stuff.

IAN: Now we're all in middle school and hate each other.

SAM: Yeah we hate each other. But we have a better idea of how a band works.

RG: The one thing I remember about High School graduation was the urge to escape. Is that feeling inside you guys even though you live in New York?

IAN: Yeah.

JON: Well I'm going to college in NY.

IAN: I am very, very hyped on getting out of here, personally. I'm going to Chicago for college. It's still a city environment. I want a break, from these people and the scene – I mean, these guys are cool.

SAM: I kid of feel the same way; I'm kind of sick of everyone just doing the same shit all the time. On the other hand I feel like this is just when things are going to break and I feel like something good's on the horizon for everyone in Brooklyn right now. And I just went to a show at Death By Audio and I hadn't been there before and I was like, "Shit! why haven't we been playing these places? What the fuck have we been doing the last 6 months?"

JON: Rehearsing.

RG: Is there anything you want to take back?

JON: Like, what we said or...?

RG: Basically.

IAN: We regret nothing.

SAM: I regret everything.

RG: What are your upcoming dates?

IAN: Saturday June 28th in North Bergen, NJ and Saturday, July 26th at the Knitting Factory Old Office. Hopefully this time if we do well we'll get moved up to the second stage.

SAM: They never let us... we played the main stage and we brought 100 people and they still didn't let us move up.

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Treefallinginthewoods, Treefallinginthewoods...
The Slits, Don Pedro's, 3/23/08
(Ari Up and the new Slits configuration)

So Ari Up and The Slits played Don Pedro's (still the worst venue in Brooklyn, though the basement at The Charleston is a close second in pointlessness) oh... a week ago at this point, and what should have been a welcome home party for Dead Dog and Shellshag and Stupid Party and Bad Blood (that's everyone on the bill) ended up being marred by an aging lady whose sense of entitlement and divatude is misrepresented as "punk."

One way or another, and for the benefit of those closest to me in the situation I won't name them, Ari managed to get a few of my friends kicked out of the bar and when they left, all THEIR friends left. A few baseless claims of offense, a bogus wounded sense of pride and one hair-flipping-teeth-sucking-on-stage-on-mic tantrum later, and The Slits are playing to an empty house with a few Japanese Brooklyn College Fanboys (the worst kind) and some older holdouts from the original scene -- basically Ari doing Slits karaoke by herself defiantly in an act of pure narcissism. So I was torn because -- hey -- how often do you have a name band all to yourself? But then again, my loyalties always end up with the people I know and the bands they're with. The Slits don't know me from Adam except for the guitarist, Michelle, who is a lousy advertiser in that I had no idea she was in the band (seriously. I still can't wrap my head around how I didn't know that).

The Slits, Don Pedro's, 3/23/08
(Michelle has a really long cord, allowing her to escape to freedom)

Now, one could say that Ari Up can be excused as just another holdout/true believer who has done a lot of drugs in her past, and that anything she does or says that offends should just be dismissed as the effects of a life of living the dream. This also lets her off the hook. One could go the other way and say that she's Ari Up and who the fuck am I to criticize her, considering her history and all that she comes with and why should she care what I think? Well, that's kind of the point, isn't it? I mean, the medium is the message and if she wants to prance around in a shitty empty bar in the border-country of Brooklyn then God bless her. Let her stay there. It keeps the rest of us from having to listen to her.

The Slits, Don Pedro's, 3/23/08
(This way leads to madness)

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To You From Failing Hands We Throw The Torch
Prabir & the Substitutes, Luna Lounge, 3/7/08

It's bad news when a new venue treats its lighting design as an afterthought. You can tell things are wrong when the drummer for The Orion Experience is stretching, trying to tilt the par cans over his head off of him with his drumstick. I mean, honestly; you have ten lights pointed STRAIGHT DOWN to slash the soundproofing on the back wall and no edge lights hitting the front of stage. You have one row of fixed cans at the front of house with deep amber (!!??!) gels on them dimmed to about 40% -- a dimmed tungsten light is warmer than a tungsten light at full power so the result is a warm light... with a warming gel on top of it. Net result is a color temperature somewhere around 1900K.

WHAT FUCKING GOOD DOES IT DO TO LIGHT THE BACK WALL?

Hidden People, Luna Lounge, 3/7/08

And there are sidelights with no punch on stages right and left gelled BLUE. This post is incoherent and choppy and rambly. I'm furious. I mean, the building is just over a year old. Someone -- a loved one; a caring friend -- should have told the owners to hire a LD to set something reasonable up. It's not like the old Luna Lounge where you could understand a converted bar slapping up a few lights because people couldn't see shit; this was a ground-up install that should have taken into consideration EVERYTHING and they dropped the ball. What should have been a quality medium/small venue in Brooklyn becomes just another bar with a stage attached. You shouldn't have to worry about making your own separation happen when your subject is on a fucking STAGE.

Prabir & the Substitutes, Luna Lounge, 3/7/08

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Stage Diving 101
Stage Diving Etiquette 101

Intro:
So you've decided to join our feathered friends (and bats and squirrels) in the sky through the act of flight! Congratulations! The choice to sacrifice your body and equipment through the impulsive and destructive act of stage diving can be a rewarding and entertaining experience. I've cobbled together this primer to help you through the process. Band-mates should have no fear! I've taken the time to include portions and positioning for them as well. Please note the handy guide numbers in the upper left corner of the images.



1) Ascend.
While common stage dives (off a stage or the more simple "crowd surf") can be enjoyable, a true epic stage dive should be executed from the highest point available. In this instance, our hero has chosen a conspicuously well-placed rolling staircase to the left of the stage. Ascend as high as comfortable, but note that the higher the platform, the more awesome you will appear. Bonus points for continuing to play while preparing to plummet.

2) Pose.
Make sure the crowd sees you! We all know the rhetorical question regarding the tree in the woods. Here, the bassist has taken the "notes become bullets" a.k.a. the "...because of the wang" pose. Several paying customers are already laughing with joy as he readies his body for immortality. Band Note: At this point, you should still be playing at top gear, oblivious as to the throngs of women and young girls no longer eye-fucking you.

3) "The Four Winds."
With mind cleared from distraction and body poised for certain doom, one must cast one's mortal being into the abyss with righteous fervor and a complete disregard for the young girls in the front row. What's more, your band friends have noticed you for the first time in months! The drummer expresses joy and jealousy as he is locked behind his cruel metal cage. A proper guitarist will show no interest in the goings on around him or her, but will instead seethe inwardly as the ill trim in the front row has suddenly developed a taste for "bottom end," if you know what I mean.

4) Landing.
Never assume that someone will catch you. Extending your arm to brake your fall will usually lead to a broken wrist and will lead to an end to excellence, so be prepared to tuck and roll. Use the crowd to increase your coefficient of friction and slow your now-bruised body -- like a bowling ball into hapless pins. It is at this point that the drummer has cocked his arm in an "Atlanta Tomahawk" position to deliver a frustrated drumstick to the head of the bassist. This is custom and one should always be prepared to deflect a stick headed for an eye or an orifice.

5) Momentum and the "Last Resort."
If you are out of audience members to collapse into, the guitarist or lead singer is usually the last safety and one should use any and all gymnastic means to use him or her as a brake. Our bassist has cleverly used the neck of his instrument to hook into the kneecaps of the guitarist as a Navy jet hooks into the cable on the deck of an aircraft carrier. Note that he has tucked his chin down to shield his eyes from the drumstick, which has found its target -- a bruised forehead is better than a bleeding eye.

6) Injury, Recovery and Hospice.
Pain! Pain is fleeting, and death is for the weak. You are alive and you will recover thanks to modern 21st Century medicine and the finest health care system that your parents can provide! Take a breath to fill your lungs with life-affirming oxygen and to clear your mind of suffering -- those are not twins you are seeing, mouthing incomprehensible words as you lie prone on your bruised coccyx, but rather the pretty freegan from two towns over who has a 40 year old canadian boyfriend. You're seeing double, friend! Band mates: Now is the time to elevate your concern.

7) "The Checkdown."
Like a boxer that has just been knocked down, it is best to walk through a checklist in your head while on the ground -- if you're on the floor, there's nowhere lower to go, so you avoid further injury due to collapse. It is recommended to take stock of one's limbs from the bottom up: feet, legs, hips, chest and head. It is now appropriate for other band members to abandon their positions and rush to your aide. At this point, the show is effectively over and no more music will be played. All that is left is for the stage diver to milk his feat for all it's worth.

8) Results.
The last step involves regailing the hero for his feat of daring. Audience members should applaud and those of the opposite gender should become sexually aroused. Band mates should stand about and deliver the line, "are you ok?" in as dispassionate a manner a possible. A traditional response should be something along the lines of, "I need a [drink/drug/whore]," but feel free to improvise! After all, YOU sacrificed your body like a virgin to Pelé, YOU have the right to demand offerings of your choice.

(Stupid Party at Java Studios, 2/22/08)

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Tie Me To The Mast Of This Ship And Of This Band
Some personal amusements regarding Gridskipper's Worst Bartenders in Brooklyn!

Firstly, this entry regarding the service at Trout/Pacifico/Gravy is on the money, and I still fail to comprehend how those places stay alive, especially considering the food quality, which I've described in the past as "food for people who think they know what good food should be like."

This observation about the general cluelessness of my generation can be lumped in with my Rushmore Corollary, which states that "...the reason Rushmore was/is so popular with the generation of 20-somethings at its time of release is that the generation as a whole feels it was, like, totally Max Fischer in High School."

This is obviously not true. This character trait, perceived or otherwise, also links to the 60 Minutes story about 20-something workers.

Anyway back to Gridskipper. This comment,

BY HIPSTERADE AT 11:39 AM

while boat on smith street also has two of the best bartenders in brooklyn, it also employs the WORST ACTUAL SINGLE BARTENDER in the borough: curly hair, works tuesday, thursday nights--she consistently ignores you, abuses you verbally, sneers as only the grinch can sneer.


By Hipsterade, if that is his/her real name, amuses me terribly. For a number of reasons, only one of which I will share with you now:

Suzie (III)

Suzie has a smile that can melt steel (not pictured) and is ever-so-charming and pleasant.

I will conclude my Captain Save-A-Bartender rant with the observation that since the insulating bar presence of Vegas closed down the douchebag quotient at Boat has risen at a fantastic rate. More clearly said, anyone who doesn't know the bartenders at Boat by name doesn't live around Smith St., nor do they deserve to be served with a smile.

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Throwback Image Sunday
Bill

Bill has been my #1 photographic fallback since college -- good for tips and tricks and moral support -- and we still keep in touch even after he moved to New Mexico and got married. Early on, I stole most of his lighting setups through casual observation and passive aggressive interviewing of the "Oh... hey, I didn't know you were working. Gee, I like your key. Why is it there?" variety. His sense of humor might be dryer than mine, though it's subject to debate amongst no one in particular. He is consistently employed and making a well-deserved living either because of, or in spite of, his choice to move to a shifty market.

He lives on the internets here: billstengel.com

And on Flickr here: xthebillx

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Danielle's Gonna Have My Legs Broke For This
Danielle

D: "...and these are going to all end up on the internet, right?"

R: "Probably."

I'm working on some publicity stills for the Hidden People (see previous entry) and got to bring in Danielle to assist in keeping my head straight, which is as difficult as you can imagine, and to help fly in lights for the location stuff (examples to come). Having someone on set who's better than you but is comfortable in letting you believe the opposite is very, VERY important.

Of course, aside from coffee fetching (not in a subservient way, but in a liberated, choose-to-do-it way), the assistant(s)' primary role is to stand in when the Photographer needs to see how badly he screwed up with the lighting (in this instance, a unit was not turned on). Furthermore, it is a happy coincidence when the Photographer has someone he's never succeeded in photographing assisting him. We've known each other for years and years at this point (it was quite a handshake) and have always seemed to be watching each others' work from parallel paths. Along with Bill Stengel (future Throwback Image Sunday candidate), she's my point person for all my tech talk and gear-head-wonkiness. I claim "Superfan 99" status.

Her home on the Internets is here:

Daniellestingu.com

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SAVONAROLA IS BACK FROM THE DEAD
Savonarola, Tommy's Tavern 7/22/07

Until Sleater-Kinney gets back together I will have to be happy (and I am, believe me) with the sudden and powerful return of Savonarola, two of my dear dear friends and one of my favorite singer/songwriter duos. I rank them higher than the Lennon and McCartney. I am a contrarian.

They dissolved about a year and a half ago after one self-released album (full disclosure: I produced "Knives" and "People I Don't Like") when Ted had a midlife crisis and ran off to join These Are Powers.

AND NOW THEY ARE BACK. And possibly with another name change, though I'm encouraging them to keep it, and possibly with a stylistic change, which would predicate a name change. In short, they are writing stuff, but I have no idea what it is. They played an acoustic show at Tommy's Tavern (possibly the best they've played) on Sunday on a bill promoted by Anthony Macbain and featuring he, Schwaahed, Ron Wax and MC'd by Oldman Unfamous Jacob.

The images (and there are more here), were my first with my new Pocket Wizards (awesome) and the after-show was my first time DJ-ing (off a borrowed iPod, no less).

A splendid time was had by all.

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A Plea For Tenderness
Marcia (III)

MARCIA IS MY FWIEND. ARE YOU MY FWIEND?

So I guess at this point I'm curious as to who's stopping by. Yeah, I've broadly invited most of ILX to visit and Ally (The Schef) is such a social bird that I'm sure some people get forwarded to me from her, but the lack of feedback is a little -- not bothersome -- disappointing. So leave a comment!

I am particularly interested in seeing who's been stopping by from Maryland (no hyperlink. If you don't know where or what Maryland is then... there is no hope for you) and locally in New York City.

Yes, I check my webstats often.

Also, I like the above picture in color moreso than black and white. Woops.

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Anita
Anita

If Matt and I go all the way back to the first day of school, the Anita and I go back to the first day of school + 5 minutes. She lived around the corner on the girls' side of The Can with Serena back when there were gender-specific sides of The Can. In truth, I haven't seen her in about a year (give or take. It's been so long neither of us can remember) and I sort of felt bad calling her out just to shove my camera in her face in exchange for coffee beverages.

She does graphic design by training, but has become a little transient in terms of employment and vaguely dissatisfied like the rest of us. She just always seems a little more Zen about it. As for whether that's a fair assessment or not... ...you'd have to ask her.

I'd have to hunt for the negative (or a print) but I have a picture of her that might be the first "good" picture I ever took. We yacked back and forth about what number this was in terms of sitting for a photo; we decided this was the third (after I convinced her) -- the one freshman year, the one senior year and the one today.

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Awaiting The Return Of Our Beloved
Ally, Coney Island, 5/27/2007

Someone thought it would be a good idea if I were raised to be a good internalizer so any information I give tends to come in riddles or cyphers. In tribute to the journey, the feelings that brought me down for the last week, and in the spirit of the person I miss, I offer this,

Awaiting The Return Of Our Beloved

She stands for me
Hiding the visage with glass
Coney faces south.

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VOTING CLOSED, VICTORY DECLARED
For those of you who would claim to have lost faith in the democratic system, please hold the results of Richard's First Vote close to heart as an example of the virgin-pure system this country holds dear. As I collect a steady trickle of images to shower upon you as one collects rain in a cistern to drink in the summer, please take the time to consider this token of my appreciation,

Cadillac

A new car!

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Suzie
Fuck the Heatherette Afterparty. I finally got a few decent frames of my Sphinx.

Suzie

(Techie Richard: Another example of why I should move to the newer digitals -- my fondness for ramping the gain up and open rather than carry around a strobe pack.)

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ARCHIVES

Bands: If you would like to use photos for Myspace or Facebook purposes, please contact me first. I don't steal your songs; please don't steal my photographs.