The Truth About Chinese New Year
In China it is custom to celebrate the Lunar New Year to unleash a bevy of demons and hoojibs upon mankind in an effort to clear the human species of the old and infirm thus ensuring peace and prosperity in the coming months. In a curious coincidence, the recent motion picture "Cloverleaf" violently and clearly dramatized this annual feeding, whose drama and chaos has bloodied the fields of the Old Country for thousands of years.
The annal blood orgy begins much in the way the Spaniards begin the running of the bulls -- the elderly (below) are herded into narrow passageways and alleyways.
The savage beasts involved in this cruel display include Lions (below) and Dragons. This young lion is held in place by his cruel master. It is custom to starve these specters for months before hand. In tradition, this cruel treatment is meant to build resentment and a taste for human flesh. Recall that the origin of the ritual was to thin the proverbial herd -- a necessary task when crops are small and the mouths many.
When the signal is given the creatures, crazy with hunger, are released into the crowd. The dragon, above, has burst from his chains and has set down into a crowd of elders. Soon the streets will run as red as their traditional crimson toques.
Lions hunt alone or in pairs. There is little evidence that the creatures have a predilection towards teamwork, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Scientists have observed that they have a keen sense of smell but poor eyesight, even in the blinding mid-February sun. The two lions (above) have taken a classic "Two In A Room" formation.
Oh no! An elder Fung Wah Lion (below) has caught my scent! Only by standing perfectly still will I be able to survive. Like a shark, a Fung Wah Lion will beat at a prospective target with his wild maw -- the slightest reaction by the target means the target becomes a meal.
Some brave men hide beneath the mantle of a dragon in order to escape its wrath. It is well know that Dragons require tiny parasites to clean themselves as they are unable to bend backwards.
Each year, a Snack King (above) is chosen to be the final morsel offered to the hungry beasts. It is said that if the creatures are too full, spent on the fat and sinew of their prey, to eat the Snack King, a great disaster will befall the community. This years' Snack King awaits his fate.
The two dragons shown above are enough to sweep a street full of one hundred people clean in minutes -- dragons are notoriously neat eaters, and their excrement smells of fresh plum tomatoes.
It is tradition for men of marrying age to take to the streets to kill and behead a lion in order to impress a mate. Custom calls for a boy -- now a man -- to parade with the bloody carcass of the creature held over his head until his arms burn with acid. Only then will he be suitable for a bride.
(Above) A young dragon escapes. He is lured with a Snitch tethered to a golden staff. If left to his own devices, the dragon would lay waste to the pack of Boy Scouts fleeing from his howls. Fun fact -- J.K. Rowling borrowed the idea of the Snitch for her popular "Harry Potter" stories!
This boy longs for the day that he too will be able to take a chance and snatch himself a lion's head for his prospective bride.
It seems our friend has tired! Will his display of daring and strength mean he will be able to find a suitable mate? Only time will tell.
At the end of the day, dragons and surviving lions are led through the streets to their enchanted chambers. The creatures become docile as the warm goo of human entrails slosh about in their gullets. A dragon has three stomachs -- one for soft tissues, one for fluids and one for bones and other hard matter. The lions have one stomach but their metabolism processes nutrients faster, thereby allowing them to feed constantly. They will be kept in darkness until the next new year when a cruel but necessary rite of passage -- the culling of the old and the triumph of the young -- is conducted in cities and towns throughout the world.
The annal blood orgy begins much in the way the Spaniards begin the running of the bulls -- the elderly (below) are herded into narrow passageways and alleyways.
The savage beasts involved in this cruel display include Lions (below) and Dragons. This young lion is held in place by his cruel master. It is custom to starve these specters for months before hand. In tradition, this cruel treatment is meant to build resentment and a taste for human flesh. Recall that the origin of the ritual was to thin the proverbial herd -- a necessary task when crops are small and the mouths many.
When the signal is given the creatures, crazy with hunger, are released into the crowd. The dragon, above, has burst from his chains and has set down into a crowd of elders. Soon the streets will run as red as their traditional crimson toques.
Lions hunt alone or in pairs. There is little evidence that the creatures have a predilection towards teamwork, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Scientists have observed that they have a keen sense of smell but poor eyesight, even in the blinding mid-February sun. The two lions (above) have taken a classic "Two In A Room" formation.
Oh no! An elder Fung Wah Lion (below) has caught my scent! Only by standing perfectly still will I be able to survive. Like a shark, a Fung Wah Lion will beat at a prospective target with his wild maw -- the slightest reaction by the target means the target becomes a meal.
Some brave men hide beneath the mantle of a dragon in order to escape its wrath. It is well know that Dragons require tiny parasites to clean themselves as they are unable to bend backwards.
Each year, a Snack King (above) is chosen to be the final morsel offered to the hungry beasts. It is said that if the creatures are too full, spent on the fat and sinew of their prey, to eat the Snack King, a great disaster will befall the community. This years' Snack King awaits his fate.
The two dragons shown above are enough to sweep a street full of one hundred people clean in minutes -- dragons are notoriously neat eaters, and their excrement smells of fresh plum tomatoes.
It is tradition for men of marrying age to take to the streets to kill and behead a lion in order to impress a mate. Custom calls for a boy -- now a man -- to parade with the bloody carcass of the creature held over his head until his arms burn with acid. Only then will he be suitable for a bride.
(Above) A young dragon escapes. He is lured with a Snitch tethered to a golden staff. If left to his own devices, the dragon would lay waste to the pack of Boy Scouts fleeing from his howls. Fun fact -- J.K. Rowling borrowed the idea of the Snitch for her popular "Harry Potter" stories!
This boy longs for the day that he too will be able to take a chance and snatch himself a lion's head for his prospective bride.
It seems our friend has tired! Will his display of daring and strength mean he will be able to find a suitable mate? Only time will tell.
At the end of the day, dragons and surviving lions are led through the streets to their enchanted chambers. The creatures become docile as the warm goo of human entrails slosh about in their gullets. A dragon has three stomachs -- one for soft tissues, one for fluids and one for bones and other hard matter. The lions have one stomach but their metabolism processes nutrients faster, thereby allowing them to feed constantly. They will be kept in darkness until the next new year when a cruel but necessary rite of passage -- the culling of the old and the triumph of the young -- is conducted in cities and towns throughout the world.
Labels: chinese new year, dragons, lions, lower east side, new york city, year of the rat
POSTED BY rgin AT 5:00 PM3 COMMENTS