You Know What I Keep In The Lining
One of the simpler joys of television production is that you get to be a tourist on the company dime, unashamedly going places that are more of the hoi polloi than the hipster douchebag fucks [I] usually cavort with. This is how I made it to the top of the Empire State Building without having to wait in line. This is also how you end up on one of the pedestal lookouts on Mt. Washington (I realize this corollary is a little wanky, as there are no lines for the pedestal lookouts on Mt. Washington, but follow me, would you?).

Dan, Sniping, Pittsburgh, PA, 8/29/08

You also tend to eat well -- especially when doing food shows -- or at least eat uniquely. Here we have the Primanti Brothers' flagship location in Pittsburgh. The sandwich has a meat, a cheese, a cole slaw, a tomato, a handful of french fries between italian bread. It's a sandwich designed for truckers who would take them to go. Pretty soon everyone (specifically stoner college kids) started consuming them, as is the case when something utilitarian becomes bougie (cf. Underarmor and those ridiculous telephone earpieces).

Primanti Bros., Pittsburgh, PA, 8/29/08

Let it be known that nothing we've eaten this trip has been particularly healthy. I've been trying to cram salads and fruit behind (or in front of) every meal, but I'm still left feeling logy and listless and gross. Granted, I've not done a good of of taking care of myself for the last month or so anyway, so the effect is compounded.

An Observation:

The North Side of Pittsburgh is BEGGING for gentrification! Not only is there a charming, colorful area called the "Mexican War Streets", but there are old man bars that only need Ms. Pac-Man to become destinations! There is a YMCA with a bitchin' sign (picture to come) that will provide a tasteful amount of transient low-lifes and charming brownstone row homes that lack only kooky white artisans to make them complete! I suggest that we (my peers, and my only occasional readership) buy a block of these homes and do them up right so that by the time the NEXT real estate crash comes, we'll be goddamn gajillionaires.

Later, BUFFALO.

Labels: , , , ,



A Cruel Observation
Maryland Sheep & Wool Festival, 5/4/08

Following my stint in New Orleans, I visited George and Lauren and we went to have an enjoyable day at the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival.

Lauren: There are a lot of lamb-kebab stands here.

George: It seems a little harsh.

Me: Maybe lambs like irony?

Lauren: I wonder if they recognize the smell of... themselves.

Me: They all smell much better while cooking than they do when they're living.

George: That's gross. We should go look at the herding dogs now.

Me: Good idea.

Labels: , , , , , ,



New Orleans: Or, How I Learned to Love Being Able to Dump My Cards and Live with the Hotel Firewall (Part I.)
Cafe du Monde, New Orleans, LA

I was sold on Cafe du Monde long before I had ever been -- two decades of hearing about how sticky the floors got in the late afternoon (after a full day of powdered sugar getting blown onto the floor by the gulf breeze) meant that it was a pilgrimage I had to make.

The menu follows from memory,

Cafe au lait, cafe latte, beignets, milk, chocolate milk.

There might be more, but not much more.

Fried dough with powdered sugar and coffee is as advertised -- a calorie, caffeine and sugar bomb of awesomeness, which served me well seeing as how I had arrived at 7:30 in the morning.

The cavalcade of deliciousness in the picture above cost four dollars. The water was best used to wash off your fingertips. I do not recommend wearing black.

Labels: , , , , ,



The First Of Three Candy Reviews
Daim

INT. MOVIE THEATER, NIGHT.

Richard and Dom wait in their SEATS for "The Darjeeling Limited" to begin. Richard reaches into his AWESOME BLACK BAG to produce THREE CANDY BARS of mysterious origin.


(dramatically)
RICH: I told you I was bringing snacks, so I have three candies to choose from. I brought them from Sweden.
(handing them one by one to Dom)
We have "Daim"...

(excited)
DOM: DAAAAAAAAAIM!

RICH: Exactly. We have "Plopp"...

(laughing)
DOM: Delicious.

RICH: Precisely. And we have "Japp"...

(slowly)
DOM: Oh. My. God.

RICH: Yeah that one's a personal favorite. Anyway, you choose which one we are to review.

(thoughtfully)
DOM: Let's go with "Daim."

RICH: Great. Looking at the wrapper now,
(gesturing to the label)
and judging by the explode-y bits coming from behind the lettering it seems like it's a toffee of some sort.

She picks up the candy bar and examines it more closely.

DOM: You're probably right. Looking at the wrapper now it also seems to be made by the good people at the KRAFT company.

(deflated)
RICH: What?

(pointing to the BOLD KRAFT LABEL on the back)
DOM: See.

RICH: So I brought a KRAFT-brand candy bar all the way from Sweden?

DOM: Apparently.

(dejectedly)
RICH: Jesus H. Christ on the cross...

DOM: Which are the candy bars with the toffee in them?

RICH: Heath Bars...

DOM: No, no, the other ones...

RICH: Skoal... no, that's the tobacco. Um... Scor!

DOM: Yeah! I bet it's like that.

She begins to rip open the wrapper and pauses.

DOM: Oh, are we saving the wrapper?

RICH: No, I shot them all already.

(continuing to open the wrapper)
DOM: Oh good.

They crack the bar into smaller segments for sharing and easy-eating. They both taste. The toffee is crisp and pleasantly caramel while the milk chocolate coating is gritty and unextraordinary. A serviceable candy bar.

RICH: So it's almost exactly like a Heath Bar.

DOM: Or a Skoal...

RICH: Skor...

DOM: Skor Bar...

RICH: They all taste the same.

DOM: Yeah. Yeah, they do.

RICH: Well this is a letdown.

DOM: It's good though!

RICH: It's pretty good. Heath Bars are my favorite.
(pausing)
Chocolate's a bit "bleh" though.

DOM: (nods)

(to himself)
RICH: The chocolate might have melted here or there because of transit though.

The LIGHTS in the theater begin to dim and the other MOVIEGOERS begin to hush each other and buckle down for viewing

DOM: Movie's starting.

END

Labels: , , , , , , ,



ARCHIVES

Bands: If you would like to use photos for Myspace or Facebook purposes, please contact me first. I don't steal your songs; please don't steal my photographs.